She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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