The police scanner is talking about you again....
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
