I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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