We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
