Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
