So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
