I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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