nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
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I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
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I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
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