and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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