just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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