bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
