I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
