shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
