I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
