i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
The beer is more important than you right now.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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