better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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