Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
