I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
