I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
