I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
