I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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