at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
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