ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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