i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
