Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
