I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
My liver just broke up with me...
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
try to milk me bitch
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
