I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
