I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
