The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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