I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
