I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
