big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I just forgot I was standing up.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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