I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
