part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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