that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
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