Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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