u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
