you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
