At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
