wakey wakey hands off snakey
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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