What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
