I am spending my child support on dildos
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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