The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
