My room smells like vodka and shame
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
