I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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