my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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