Whod you bang
Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Randomize
