We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
