The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
