Having a random hookup so left but love u
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
