i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
