Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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