Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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