If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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