We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
