i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
