Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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