i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Who died my cat blue again?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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