It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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