Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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