so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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