The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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