I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
