I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
