just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
