using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
