last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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