We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
