honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i would punch a child for taco bell
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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