I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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