Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
